I’m enrolled

I am SO EXCITED and filled with JOY. want to know why? I got accepted into Newlife International Midwifery School…!!!  once again, the Lord shows me himself and gives direct answers to prayer. I see this less as a personal acceptance as if I did something “right,” and more as some clear straightening of a path. my prayers throughout the time of me researching the opportunity to study midwifery have been that God would clearly provide me with answers to where He would want me to serve, and every turn around the corner has had just that. I know that not all stories go this way, so I’m not saying it’s all smooth sailing from here, but wow has He given me the blessing of peace that I do not deserve.

as I prepare and I research if this is “right for me,”  I want to be just as aware of the effects it could have on others. how will my participation in this and study of this create the opportunity for the unloveable to be loved? will more of His people be reached and His will be done by my willingness to walk forward in this? is my character that of someone who can be taught and molded and shaped by things that have seemed “below me” until this point? or will my fears and discomfort come between these people’s hearts and the chance for them to hear of the overwhelming reality of Jesus’ love? His love is just that, though, overwhelming and real and sacrificial. I am unprepared for this shift of focus that is coming. each day when I am reminded of my undeserved place in the Kingdom (because the forgetting is unfortunately built into our nature), I can’t imagine there being more to discover. and then I am told that I will have the opportunity to live in a community on the other side of the world and meet families and kiddies that might share just as much joy with me as I long to share with them… I long for my heart to be shaped to be bigger and brighter and fulll of faith. I want to know that balance of being aware of both privilege and poverty. I long to feel the weight of Paul’s words, “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound…”  I can’t wait to similarly build relationship with His people to not only share the gospel, but my own self. [see 1 Thess 2] to, in boldness, lay down my expectations, while using the things I’ve walked through here and now to connect with and engage in honest storytelling and laughter at all the different stories and faith journey’s God allows us to individually experience.

do you hear His joy in my words? isn’t it refreshing to get a glimpse of the all encompassing work He can do when we’re not even looking?

this, the sovereign and omniscient character of God is what allows me, allows us, to use today to do that very thing. knowing that this exciting journey is ahead of me, as in SEPTEMBER, pushes me all the more to the make the best use of time now. not in fear that there’s not enough time left to reach all those in need of Grace, but in excitement and in faith that His purposes will be accomplished. He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us. if I trust Him to deliver me from the eternal weight and punishment of sin, how much more should I trust Him to will and work every moment in my life? this is the part when talking about His sovereignty that I think we’ve become desensitized to, and for me is like a wake up call. and more than that, I think that He gives us confirmation from many different sources over a period of time to remind us of this.

just in this week alone I’ve been reminded of my forgetfulness and His redemption and calling back of my heart. ever notice when a concept just keeps popping up everywhere? it’s like: you’re reading scripture, then someone sends you a devotional, then all the sudden you’re looking straight into a situation where you know you’re called to directly apply what you are learning. or have you had those times when it feels like everyone around you has some sort of connection to a specific thing in your life? well, it seems that every person I speak to lately about my upcoming trip has an interest in or has a friend or family member that is in the Philippines, or has traveled there, or is a midwife or is just starting his or her journey in international missions… I know these things are little “yeses” from the Spirit. the Body, the church, was created, in part, to weave our lives together as brothers and sisters in Christ. it’s taken me far too long to see it, but I think that’s partly because of my tendency to avoid socialization. I think the biggest thing that’s played a part in my willingness to engage with outsiders, really, is my full time job. I am very grateful to have the chance to be working hard and saving as a result of it. but I also have received so much more from it – the people who’ve known me most of my life ( maybe even my brothers seeing that my momma would agree ) would probably be surprised to see how much more I am able to communicate with strangers. that sounds so weak and so lame, but hey, maybe you relate ! it’s not that I had/have a huge fear of socializing, but for so long I have been content to only interact and build relationships with those that are in the groups I am in – and what I really mean by that is the families that we spend time with the most during a particular season. : )

but being in an environment where my identity is not built by my own family or siblings came as a surprise to me, I think, and it is my first glimpse into the annoying ( sorry ) trending theme ‘adulting.’ I realized pretty quickly that I wouldn’t be relying on my interactions with ‘my people’ to communicate my personality. if I want to build friendships or be a true light, I actually have to be brave and pursue people. fun hard-to-admit fact, being an arrow to Jesus just by being the friendly grocery store girl doesn’t cut it. please laugh, yes, but also I’m being serious here, humans ! why does my brain not connect the dots as fast as my heart wants them to ? thank goodness for grace and thank goodness the Lord is not counting the times I’ve passed up the chance to talk about Him without even acknowledging I did it. but even more than that, thank you Lord for the times you made me brave to ask you for that chance and gave me the push to just speak.

side note: prayer is a spiritual discipline that He is graciously building in me. think about this for a sec – the Creator of the universe enables us to talk to Himself. doesn’t that get you like it does me ?

anyway, though I am still so lost and occasionally shy (mm probably more like consciously introverted, if that’s a thing) and sooo awkward, you should hear the ways that my knowledge of evangelism is starting to connect with both my prayers and then actively during my work shifts. one of the things I am trying to be intentional about, after hearing some really neat stories of a Pastor using his gifts well, is actually asking and actually memorizing customers’ names. It’s an extra step that may be unnecessary, but by making the effort I can really have the chance to show a more purposeful love. I didn’t realize how quickly it would have effects on my work day, on the other’s day and mood, and maybe even the way they think the rest of the day.

story time. last week, Mr. Billy ( name changed for now ) found me on a slower paced day. after the regular greeting which included “how are you,” to my surprise he asked the same question again in response to my answer, “I’m doing well today!” “how are you, Anna? how has your week been?” I started to tell him about my acceptance letter and newest research on savings for schooling and funding goals. after a few minutes of us both using language that I’m sure was prodding at discovering  a deeper similarity in intentional thinking (you know what I’m talking about, right?), we shared the joyful realization that we were brother and sister in Christ. Mr. Billy gave me the sweetest hug and my eyes teared up because oh my goodness it is so peaceful and refreshing to know you have a friend in a stranger simply because of your love for your Creator. the story didn’t need to continue this way for me to know and trust I was both way beyond blessed to have this interaction, and fully seen by God in my little fast paced job, but for several minutes after he told me about his wife and his church journey and his desire to support my journey. can you believe that? I wish I had space to talk about the rest of our conversation but I’ll have to save it for another time. I couldn’t help but make the connection between this sweet blessing and being brave to make conversation, ask someone’s name and let them know that you see them as a person with a soul. so simple, yet the very first step to making ( and meeting! ) disciples.

I have about five more stories just from the last couple of days alone, but for now I will leave it off at this truth: you and I, we’re being pursued and loved by El Roi, the God who sees. I pray that this continues to push me to see beyond myself. that it will humble me and bring me to worship and noticeable, can’t-ignore-it joy for what we have to look forward to in eternity.  

Well, I wasn’t planning to stop here, but I suppose I will because it ties back to the presence of peace I mentioned in the beginning. I am so thankful for this exciting news about the potential plans for the next several years for my life ( isn’t that what we always request in our prayers, some answers and just a peek at our future? ) , and I’m very happy it’s pushed me even more toward a love for the lost people that I see every day here and now. who would’ve expected that setting plans for international missions 5 months from now would give me clarity and courage to love others here where I have lacked passion?

I can’t wait to spend more time in this chapter ((John 17)); if you have the time, read through this passage. in Jesus’ prayer I can see my true motivation for loving – that the Father be glorified. look in verse 5: we get to see an intimate part of their relationship, their sharing of glory before we even existed !

praise Him for the work He didn’t have to do, yet willingly submitted to for our sake. this should be my prayer, for Jesus’ sacrifice and love to move me to worship Him and imitate the work He did while He was here. which by the way includes fulfilled joy (v13)

… ‘And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed. (…) “I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:1-5,26

anna cherie