Woah, woah, woah. It’s been almost seven months since I posted an update here?? It’s crossed my mind many times – once I even opened up my draft and placed a few words on the page. I’ve been working to write monthly private emails with details and photos about life here in the Philippines, my walk with the Lord as I learn what obedience means, and requesting lots of prayer. For the privacy of the patients we serve here, most details have to be sent privately. But there’s probably so much that I could’ve been sharing here! I think I’ll always be learning how to time-manage and not be overwhelmed by writing long updates. ☺︎
It’s been so sweet to keep in touch with you all in little ways and I feel so loved and pursued by the messages you all take the time to write. I’m thankful you read my words and faithfully pray when I don’t even know it. To have friends, family, and strangers who’ve become friends and family supporting me from 8,000+ miles away is lovely, and that’s an understatement.
I’ve just passed my twentieth birthday which got me thinking lots about God’s provision – especially since so many people made the effort to show me I am loved. Isn’t that interesting what things become little wake-up calls? And it wasn’t just the messages and Facebook wall postings and calls and gifts from new friends and delicious food here to celebrate… though each of those things really got me and made me smile big : ) It was that each person had more to say in their heart, more to tell me about this present time and how sweet God is to have me where I am. Every message I read reminded me of God’s sustaining character… He upholds His children when they don’t even know it.
Six months ago I landed in this city with my classmates, sweaty and excited – and trying to adjust gracefully through the awkwardness : ) I remember it quite well, knowing I was going to be living with these new people for the next two years but not being able to really grasp it. But then it was just within days that I got settled and at peace. Of course, the pace, language, and social schedule was a huge adjustment from where I had just been, but it still shocks me how quickly and gently the Lord assured me it was what obedience looked like then.
And now, over six months later, there’s still lots of similarities but many differences, too. Asking the Father what obedience looks like is exactly the same because it’s necessary daily, and it must come from a humble heart. The busyness of the clinic and academic schedule had felt quite overwhelming lately – particularly in February. I felt that I was doing the right thing by putting my head down, being passionate about health care and babies, and looking for a home church. All those things: great. Without the Holy Spirit: not so great.
I had a very close friend talk to me and listen to me flesh this out, about a couple of weeks ago now. “Are you happy with your decisions lately?” I was beyond confused. “I suppose I never am because I’m a faulty human… but I don’t think there’s anything I’m missing in particular?” Wrong. We got down to it, and sure enough, I was able to see the joy that had been missing because I was caught up in a schedule. Some might say it was a great schedule; set proper priorities, read your bible, get your assignment in on time… but I wasn’t approaching my Father’s throne. He was pursuing me, tapping my right shoulder and then my left, jumping out in front of me as I walked, meeting me in all the places I resided. But I had tuned-out from His still, small voice. See, to hear it, I have to humble myself and become quieter than it. If He’s gentle, I sometimes have to slow myself down to acknowledge it. And I’m not saying He makes it too hard by any means, but rather something like this: if I know Him to be King of all and I know Him to have the days marked out, why wouldn’t I quiet myself to see what He is doing today? How can my schedule or to-do list be “right” if I haven’t compared it to the perfect to-do list?
So this friend and I, we prayed together, had much more conversation about life right now and talked about what it means to be interruptible. That schedule and structure are good, but never good enough. Law alone does not leave freedom for exalting the Creator. And it’s done just what it was meant to for my heart this month, it’s stopped me in my tracks to see how incapable I am of perfectly keeping to any form of structure. I’ve got to realign my priorities with God’s plan for mankind. There’s hope. He’s returning for us in His perfect time. Not bound by midwifery training programs and overseas living, but made, somehow, even more perfect by those things. It’s not a mystery to see where it fits in or if I’m “doing it right,” but a spurring on by remembering Jesus’ sacrifice. What stirs my affections for Him? What makes me cling to Him when “doing life” isn’t enough evidence, when the short time between shifts is even enough to forget how He cares for us? Be captivated by Him again. Refocus, remember the cross… faithfulness… justice. The already-yet-not-completed plan.
So, after all that to kind of start fresh, here are some wonderful blessings that have interrupted me this month alone:
I got the rare chance (simply because it takes extra work and prayer) to visit a patient I had transported in labor a few days after. It was seriously the day after I had talked to my friend about allowing room for new non-scheduled things. It was so joyful to pray with her, see her healthy babe and see her smile at seeing a familiar face between all the filled and shared hospital beds. And especially a blessing to me that I didn’t deserve after laboring with her the day before and having to say goodbye.
This family right here has been a huge blessing, reminding me of my own and loving on me even when they don’t have spare time. Miss you, little brothers at home. But thankful for these laughs now.
How sweet is he?? Just under 7lbs… it’s allll in the cheeks kiddo! Thank you for letting me help welcome you ⋒
Our seminars are on hold for now, of course, but I had a very convicting morning a few weeks ago that left me smiling big at God. I had just shared for our staff devotion… I talked about truly looking for the extra things we can be ready to give up at the clinic or speak about when the Holy Spirit calls… just a few minutes later we realized the scheduled patient devotion giver wasn’t at the clinic that day and sure enough, my supervisor asked me to lead it. I don’t know how God knows the perfect times to stretch me or how He even works the way He does, but little by little He patiently molds and shapes. I couldn’t even tell you what I talked about – just months ago I would’ve been mortified! Peace washed over, that’s all I could explain. Just talk about His love – He’ll give you the words, anna.
Thank you for your patience as I learn to abide again in His will… as I learn how to listen again over the seemingly-clear marked out plan that isn’t actually whole without Him. Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, your work and investment where you are. As small as this world feels right now being that globally we are all weary of the same thing, nothing has changed. God’s creation is still groaning as we should, still waiting for the final redemption. There’s hard work to be done, but with joy. And I’m learning again this month that often… it falls outside of my got-it-together task list.
anna cherie
So blessed by reading this!