I don’t know why I haven’t been totally straight forward with this topic yet on my blog, but lately I’ve realized that I’ve become pretty comfortable with sharing it as a goal for my next season of life. I started out by only talking about it with my family, and then slowly with close friends when I felt like it was something they would really pray over. Since then it’s gradually turned into an actual set goal – and with that I’ve become more comfortable with sharing it briefly with others. have you ever experienced that ? where it feels like more a bigger deal to just summarize your big goals to strangers who ask about your plans? to me it’s almost easier to give vague little ideas or thoughts I have than to just say, “my plan is to _____” …
anyways, now that I’ve dragged out an intro, it’s time to put it into words for the internet. my goal for seeking an education is to travel overseas to the Philippines ! while I was researching midwifery and paths to getting certified, I came across a clinic there in Davao City. they run a program called Newlife International Midwifery School. They are set up so that women can travel there for a period of time and receive an education in midwifery through dual enrolling with an online stateside school, while serving on the mission field ! the unique thing about the program is that each girls’ full tuition goes directly into the clinic funding – and the clinic provides free services for the local women and families to be taken care of ! so, by attending, you are furthering the reach of the clinic in the area, and making it possible for them to continue offering free healthcare to the community.
I’ve been in touch with a few of the girls who have attended recently and they’ve been very sweet to chat with me and answer questions. they’re also very honest about the challenge that it is, and how much perseverance and trust it takes. it’s clear to me what an investment it would be, both in myself and in the Filipino community. as time is passing quickly, God has continued to give me a peace about pursuing it, and about being more open to others in my feeling drawn to it. it has been surprisingly neat to hear even strangers’ responses. though I know it is an amazing opportunity, I get so joyful to hear others’ excitement in what God could do. I often find myself wanting to tell them what a daunting goal it is so they know it will not be of my own strength… it has continued to give me a peace and a confidence that I am pursuing something that will honor the King.
while it can seem easy to just make a plan and get on the road, there are a lot of steps to take in order to get me there. in all honesty, the Holy Spirit catches me in my thoughts pretty often – doubting even the possibility of it. Satan has found a great tactic in making my mind question and overthink every aspect of it. and I’m not even that far into planning it yet ! my biggest mental roadblock currently ( and for the past few months ) has been the question of “when”. my personality makes me take things slow – – even when the whole world around me tells me I won’t succeed unless I go now. but since the beginning of this adventure, I’ve continued to feel His still small voice. I know I am safe and well cared for where I am now, and I do not want to go until He takes me Himself. at the same time, I have to be proactive in preparing myself if I want to be fully equipped as His servant. can I just say though, it is such. a hard. balance for me. how many steps forward do I take? if I do this now, will it get the ball rolling? & what if I can’t stop it once it starts? I have a deep trust in God’s sovereignty, but I’m running into one problem that you probably have in common with me, if you can handle my sarcasm. that one problem is sin. it’s the tendency to rely on self and make sure I cover all my bases so I am set up for perfection. it’s the idolatry of time and personal preferences. it’s the need for a plan, a backup plan, and a backup-backup plan.
I’m hoping you relate, and that you can laugh with me ( and hold me accountable of course ) at my selfishness and fear of the world. I didn’t really consider myself a fearful or anxious person until now. now I have a bigger window to see my areas for improvement. but knowing that doesn’t solve my indecisiveness ! do you have any wisdom ? would you pray for clarity on the right timing and headspace for planning ?
the current plan : I’m thinking of actually traveling in either early 2019, or the fall of 2019. I am clearly not set on either one of those, but they’re kind of my rough aim. the next steps kind of feel like they need to happen all at once, but I’m sorting through what the actual reality of that is. next on the to-do list is take 3 online college level general ed courses. I could do them after the program when I return, but I definitely want to use my time here to do them first. I’m signed up already, and they are “at my own pace”, so I am going to start them in the fall (which is coming up so quickly). the next step after that is fundraising. it’s something I’ve never done before and it’s so scary to me. have you ever fundraised for something? more than anything, I want to be wise and have the right heart space as I ask for support in my journey. I want to be open along the way to anyone who might consider coming alongside me, and I want to be fully conscious of God’s sovereign hand in it. to me, it will be the biggest sign from Him on both His timing for me, and His ultimate plan and will for me. My desire is to be so grounded in the Word that I will be able to communicate clearly and boldly about the gospel and it’s call for us. I will pray for energy to be focused and attentive to the ways I need to grow in order to make the very most of the opportunity if I am offered it.
this reminds me of my longing for a faith like those in Hebrews 10 & 11…
“let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (…) But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, “Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” \\ Hebrews 10:22-25,32-39
I hope you will join me in this as I transition from a season of prayer and quiet waiting, to one of action and taking steps toward an education and plan for the nearing future. I am young and I don’t have it all together, a lot of the time I’m quiet and fall into the trap of saying no. But I am not of those who shrink back and are destroyed. I am slowly learning not to throw away my confidence, because it has great reward.
ps. read hebrews 11 along with the end of 10 that I pasted up there. there’s so much to learn from God’s people and His story every time you read it.
anna cherie